Rediscovering Inner and Outer Strength with First Descents
By Krista Gundersen
It’s been about a year since I shared my thoughts and feelings about the challenges of my stage IV breast cancer diagnosis with the Jane DO community. A lot has happened since then: a double mastectomy, attempted liver surgery (my surgeon couldn’t find the tumor!), 33 rounds of radiation, starting three different medications that I will be on for at least five years. My medical oncologist, who I credit with not just saving my life but hopefully extending it, retired this summer, and I burst into tears after he left the exam room for the last time. Two friends who I connected with because of our cancer diagnoses died, which was sudden and devastating. I found out that the type of reconstruction surgery I wanted so badly wasn’t likely an option anymore.
But there have been a lot of good things, as well. In January, we took our toddler, Dash, to Disney World, right before his second birthday. We celebrated the weddings of two very special couples who are basically family to us - frankly, we would not have survived the past year and a half without them, so it was a joy to be able to make them the center of attention. In September, my surgical oncologist told me that he suspects that the spot that remains on my liver is scar tissue, and that the malignancy is gone. (We will have to wait until after reconstruction surgery to confirm this with an MRI, so hold your applause for now.) And I went on a life-changing trip with First Descents.
In May, a few weeks after I completed radiation, a friend from my weekly cancer support group told me about this nonprofit organization, First Descents, that hosts adventure trips for young adults with cancer and multiple sclerosis, as well as for healthcare workers and caregivers, free of charge. The only expense that participants are asked to pay is transportation to and from the designated location (typically the nearest airport). After a quick Google search, I found their website and immediately applied to go on a rock climbing trip. I figured that it would be a long shot to be selected, but I also had nothing to lose by applying. Imagine my surprise when I received an email one week later informing me that I would be going to Colorado in August!
On August 22, I boarded a plane to Denver, feeling excited and a little nervous - it had been years since I had climbed inside a gym, and I had never attempted rock climbing outdoors. I had just recently returned to regular workouts at Jane DO, and it was clear that I was nowhere near as physically fit as I had been pre-surgeries. Moreover, the mastectomy and radiation had left me with a much-decreased range of motion on my right side, making it hard for me to reach very far above my shoulder (as anyone who has taken a class with me in Jersey City can see).
The anxiety quickly vanished after meeting some of the First Descents staff and other participants at the airport. After some COVID tests by baggage claim, we were whisked into vans that took us to our home away from home, the YMCA of the Rockies.
We spent the next week learning how to rock climb outside in the most beautiful scenery, cheering each other on and sharing our experiences as young adults with cancer. All of our meals were prepared by a team of amazing chefs and volunteers who made sure that everyone’s nutritional needs were met. A dedicated photographer captured all the memories for us so that we didn’t feel the need to pull our phones out constantly. The rock climbing instruction culminated in a 350-foot multi-pitch climb up “the Thumb” in Estes Park, followed by rappelling down the other side of the mountain. And if you’re wondering - not only was I able to do all of the rock climbing that week, but I was the first one to rappel down the mountain, hopping down 10 feet at a time like a happy little frog.
Equally - or maybe more - significant as the physical challenge was the people component, from the staff to the volunteers to the participants. Our group grew extremely close over that one week. We laughed, we cried, we sang really loudly in the vans, and we even got matching tattoos on the last day of the trip. Since returning home, I haven’t gone more than a day or two without communicating with one of my new friends, and there are already plans for mini reunions in the works.
It’s hard to fully explain what my experience with First Descents meant to me, but it was the first time in a very long time that I genuinely felt proud of what my body could do, rather than feeling betrayed by it. Everything about the trip - the food, the scenery, the people - felt like a respite from the full-time job of being a cancer patient. It was life-changing and life-affirming in the best way - and I have the tattoo to prove it.